President Bush Names George Hotz Attorney General.....
Washington, D.C. -- Sources inside the White House revealed a plan to replace departing Attorney General Alberto R. Gonzales with telecommunications kid-genius George Hotz -- the information having been leaked in advance of a press conference scheduled later today. Hotz, the Glen Rock, NJ youth who blazed into international prominence thanks to his successful "cracking" of the Apple iPhone's locked carrier code, had received a new Nissan 350Z sports car in exchange for those efforts and was rumored to be looking for new challenges.
President George W. Bush is expected to make the appointment quickly, in an effort to exploit a little-known executive directive that permits the nation's Chief Executive to make major Cabinet appointments -- without legislative approval -- when Congress is in recess.
"It should be a good fit," commented a Bush Administration official whose name was not written down by reporters. "The kid's energy has really excited the President, and the two of them are the only ones around here who laugh at the same jokes. They both enjoy Red Bull, too."
Although Congressional resistance to paying 17-year-old Hotz's salary with a complex and lethal $138 million tactical fighter/bomber is expected to be feisty and protracted, experienced Capitol Hill watchers predict an easy endorsement once lawmakers understand the extra benefits:
"If that teenager can figure out how an iPhone ticks, he shouldn't have much trouble with the avionics and data systems on an F-22," remarked one observer. "The information could help keep us a step ahead of the Chinese -- those guys can crack, unlock, or copy anything."