If I try to sync my music it just fails.
Where are the logs I should be looking for which will explain whats going wrong.

Itunes diagnostics reports no errors.

If its any help
I can see the songs on my phone.
I can see the ring tones on my phone.
But the list is greyed out so I cant click on them or select them.

Do you think its a permission problem if so where is the music stored and what should the userid and permissions be on the directory. As well as who is the owner

try restoring it. It may be that you have a faulty software vesion so try downloading and installing a new one. Hope this helps